Choosing your wedding party can be overwhelming. These people are essentially being deemed your “favorites” and the pressure to not disappoint can be a lot. If you have a small social circle or doing just family, it might be easy. However, the majority of people have a hard time trying to narrow it down between their 3 different friend groups, family members, and matching their party numbers with their fiance’s side. If you can’t decide, there’s a few factors that you should consider before making someone part of your wedding party.

But before we get into it, there’s one point I want to emphasize before anything: you are under NO OBLIGATION to ask anyone to be in your wedding party. They need to not only be your favorite humans, but also will be empathetic, focus on your vision, and be there for you throughout this whole planning process.

Support

This is #1 in deciding who is going to be in your inner circle. Your best friend can be amazing, but if they’re going to cause you more stress than help then maybe being a part of the wedding party isn’t for them (same goes for your sibling). Choose your party based on friends and family who will truly be a support system for you because 90% of couples will tell you that wedding planning is STRESSFUL and they need all the assistance (emotional or otherwise) they can get

Length of relationship

Connection is not solely based on how long you’ve known someone, but for a lot of people it works out that way as their relationship with you is more developed. That being said you should NOT create your wedding party based on who you’ve known the longest, but it’s also probably not the best idea to ask your new friend of 3 months either. Don't always look at the people you may spend a lot of time based on proximity or convenience. The best wedding party members are those that stick with you through thick and thin despite regardless of where they might physically live

Traditions

If you’re a more traditional person, or want to incorporate traditions into your wedding, then take note of those first while you put your list of people together (especially if you’re having a multi cultural wedding). For example: Greek weddings usually don’t have a wedding party at all (look at that your list is done!), while Americans include their siblings as well as their fiance’s siblings on both sides

Head Count

This is a big one. The first thing you should be doing is going over numbers with your partner. If you’ve settled on an intimate guest list, then you don’t need a gigantic wedding party. Just go down to “bare bones” like siblings or your best friend, you don’t want half of your attendees standing up at the altar with you.

Pros of having a smaller wedding party (1-5 people):

• Less people means less opinions

• It’s cheaper. If money isn’t an issue, easier to customize or give nicer gifts/perks

• Easier to coordinate

  The cons:

• You might not be able to include everyone you wanted

• Not as many people to help with typical “wedding party duties” (bridal shower, bach party, etc)

Pros of a larger wedding party (6+ people):

• More people to help and support you throughout the wedding process

• If you want to do a look of non-matching outfits, more people is the way to accomplish that

• Allows you to include all your loved ones

The cons:

• More people means more opinions and that can get overwhelming

• More people to coordinate and accommodate

• More people to add to your guest list if each person has a significant other

• More expensive

I also want to note a couple things:

1. Just because you’d like someone to be part of your wedding party, doesn’t mean they want to be in it. This can be for a variety of reasons: they can’t afford it, they have social anxiety, they don’t have the time, etc. Whatever the reason, don’t take it personally and respect their decision. The job can be a lot to handle and it’s not for everyone. That being said, it’s ok (i.e. encouraged) to make a mental backup list.

2. There are other ways to be included in the wedding without being part of the “wedding party”. Suggestions include wedding officiant, reader/speech giver, performer (if they’re a musician/singer/poet), an escort to you or someone else down the aisle, or legal witness. If you have a larger group of people in mind, simply ask them to come get ready with you!

If there’s one thing you take away from this whole post, it’s this: choose the people that will give you energy, not take it away. Because planning is stressful enough without involving outside parties. Plus, this is something that really only affects you and your partner and has nothing to do with the rest of the wedding. So remember, this your day, do what you think is best.

Samantha Shammas, Author and Owner of SamiaLynn

After the big proposal comes the bridesmaids’ proposals.

Don’t know what a bridesmaid proposal is? It’s kind of like a “prom-posal” but for your bridesmaids. You put together a collection of gifts and notes, and then send it to your closest friends to ask them to be your bridesmaid (or maid of honor) when you tie the knot. Sometimes it includes jewelry with symbolic knots like necklaces or earrings, or coozies that have your wedding date on it, but we want to give you inspiration for gifts that your girls (or guys) will actually use!

Wedding day jewelry

Give your bride squad any jewelry you want them to accessorize with on your big day. Chances are they will wear it again, or at least have peace of mind knowing what they will wear to your wedding.

Custom sketches

Customize an illustration of you and your bridesmaid so that she can frame it as a forever reminder of your wedding day. Click here for custom sketches of you and your bride squad!

Custom wine glasses

Instead of getting anything with the word “bridesmaid” written on it, put her name and she will most likely use it every day and think of you, rather than sharing  the word “bridesmaid” around anything you gift.  This idea can apply to any “object”, we offer mugs, make up bags, and phone cases that you can custom design!

A shawl

This might sound cheesy, but if you give your bridesmaids something to keep her warm in her bridesmaid’s dress, she will use it for ALL future weddings and think of you! Something so simple could bring her years of fond memories.

Hair and makeup!

We know this isn’t really an “item” that can go in a bridesmaid proposal box, but offering to pay for your girls’ hair and makeup on your wedding day is a huge gift and would be widely appreciated.  Get a really pretty gift certificate to announce it, stick a few smaller objects in there and you have your box!

Whatever you choose to do to ask your bridal party to be apart of your big day, the most important thing is to make sure that they know why you couldn’t be who you are today without her. The priority of picking your bridal party is that each person knows she is so important to you that you want her to be a significant part of one of the most important days of your life.

Did we miss any fun bridesmaid proposal ideas that you think we should share?? Let us know in the comments!

Lauren Allen, Author

Lauren is a bridal consultant and self-published author, with a background in celebrity styling and bridal make up artistry. You can find her with an oat milk cappuccino in the morning, and a glass of Cabernet at night, her real passions. Get enough wine in her and she will tell you about her perfectly planned wedding. Just promise not to ask about the groom, that’s one detail she’s still working on. Lauren is based in NYC and her book “How to Be 23” can be found here

Gone are the days of bridesmaid norms: it’s no longer standard that they’re ugly and they no longer have to even be the same dress! Because unless you have a party of clones, everything looks different on everyone.

My favorite (long term) trend is having each bridesmaid wear a different look, giving everyone the option to purchase a dress/outfit that they’re comfortable in and enjoy wearing while still looking cohesive with the other members of the bridal party.

How to do it without looking like a mess?

That was a question I got ALL the time as a bridesmaid stylist and yes, the process can be a little overwhelming, but that’s what this post is for! So here’s the ultimate guide for how to mix and match your bridesmaid dresses:

There are 3 main components of a bridesmaid look

Color, Cut, and Length are the things to play with when wanting a little variation among the bridal party. You can pick just one to keep the same (my personal recommendation) or mix them all up! Combo suggestions:

• all the same color and length, but different necklines and silhouettes (super popular)

• Different shades of the same color with different necklines, but same length

• Different lengths and necklines with the same color

• Different styles in the same color (ex: jumpsuit, short dress, long dress, separates)

Let’s talk color

1) If you’re a bride that feels 100% out of her element when it comes to color and fashion, do yourself a favor and stick to the SAME DESIGNER for all the bridesmaid dresses. It’ll guarantee you that the colors will be similar, while getting the same fabric (yes fabric is important).

2) You can either stick to one color and do a variety of shades (ex: blues- midnight, sky, slate, etc) OR go for a color palette (ex: coral, baby pink, fuchsia, nude)

3) Add in patterns! So many bridesmaid designers are now offering patterned dresses and it’s a great way to incorporate all your favorite colors and give your photos a little extra dimension. Tip: not everyone has to be in a pattern, break it up with a few people wearing a solid color that matches!

4) If you got SUPER stressed just reading the points above, visit a bridal salon and they’ll help you pick! Stores keep swatch books as well as sample gowns so you can have all your options laid out in front of you. If you don’t want to go in person, many online retailers will mail you swatches! It’s a great way to not only see the color, but get a chance to feel the fabric as well

Fabrics are fun

Switch it up with a variety of fabrics! Go all out and have everyone in something different while keeping with the wedding colors. Popular fabric choices for bridesmaids are:

• Chiffon

• Jersey

• Crepe

• Sequins

• Beaded

If you’re going to have people in varying fabrics, the color will automatically be different so take advantage and put them all in complimentary colors too!

One last thing

If you still want all your bridesmaids in the same dress, but want your Maid/Matron of Honor to stand out, apply the tips above to only her! She can definitely be the singular bridal party member in a complimentary color, beaded gown, or patterned look.

If you’re only just now starting your dress search and you’re beginning to hyperventilate after reading all of this, then I’d suggest (taking a deep breath first) reading the blog post about shopping for bridesmaid gowns. You can find that here.

Happy coordinating! As always, feel free to email me with any questions you may have and I’d be happy to help

Samantha Shammas, Author and Owner of SamiaLynn

When it comes to bridesmaid shopping, I know the frustration can get REAL.  Back in my days of being a consultant in the bridesmaid department, I’ve had brides tell me how the stress and anger surrounding the process actually made them lose their friends!

Yes, you read that correctly: women are breaking up with their friends over a wedding.  Granted, this frustration usually develops over multiple instances, including the bridesmaid dress, but still, I’ve seen my fair share of fighting and crying in the dressing room.

I don’t know who needs to hear this, but I have one word for you when it comes to bridesmaid shopping: COMPROMISE

So, I have tips for ya’ll on bridesmaid dress shopping, because the #1 thing I always hear is “I had no idea the process would be like this”

BRIDES, my loves, these are for you:

1. Not everyone can or wants to be a bridesmaid.  

I know you picked your best girls (or guys) to stand by your side, but the modern truth is not everyone has the financial or emotional capacity to fulfill that role.  So save your friendship and give your people an “out” if they need it.  No feelings hurt.

2. Respect the financial investment involved.  

Gone are the days of cheap dresses.  Please understand that your girls will have to shell out money, even for the ugliest dress (not forgetting the extra fees for shipping, rush, and alterations).  So unless you’re paying for it, your bridesmaids should have a little bit of a say in the dress they’re buying and keep in mind they really do want to look their best for your special day.

3. Not all bodies are created equal.

Going off of #2, be mindful that dress shopping can be hard for those that are insecure about their bodies.  Especially if they go into a store that doesn’t even carry their size or something just isn’t physically possible (big boobs, meet backless dress).  So if you’d like your girls to all wear the same dress (which is totally fine!), pick something that’s universally flattering and comfortable.

BRIDESMAIDS, here you go:

1. It’s not about you.

This isn’t your wedding.  I’m all about you having your opinion heard regarding the dress you’re being forced to pay for, but at the end of the day there’s a whole group of people to consider and that can add to the already stressed bride.  Keep the bride’s wedding vision in mind while you share your thoughts.

2. HELP the bride instead of freaking out at her.

Brides are stressed humans.  If she’s trying to make you wear a long satin evening gown for a beach wedding, GENTLY point out that chiffon or a light jersey would cause less heat strokes.  If she can’t figure out a color that will flatter everyone’s skin tones, suggest something more neutral.  Just showing her that you’re on her side to make her wedding amazing can do wonders for keeping everyone calm.  She would probably even love a little inspiration help!

3. Be honest without being a b*tch

Going off of #1, emotions are running high right now.  Remember that there’s a NICE way to give your opinion while the bride is trying to dress you up like a cupcake.  I swear, she really does want you to look amazing.  If it’s a money issue, have an honest talk with her and see if there’s a solution you can work out together.

One last note for EVERYONE:

* It’s a PROCESS.  It takes TIME.  Don’t expect to go into a store and leave in under an hour with your order placed (the majority of my customers spent 3-5 hours at the store) or jump online and buy from the first website you land on.  Be patient with each other.

See?  You can have your cake and eat it too, it just might be a different flavor than you were expecting (but at least you still get cake).  So bridesmaids, help your bride find you something amazing to wear that fits her vision; and brides, respect your girls opinions and everything will go much more smoothly.

My inbox is always open for anyone needing to tap into my bridesmaids dress knowledge.  Happy shopping!

Samantha Shammas, Author and Owner of SamiaLynn