Choosing your wedding party can be overwhelming. These people are essentially being deemed your “favorites” and the pressure to not disappoint can be a lot. If you have a small social circle or doing just family, it might be easy. However, the majority of people have a hard time trying to narrow it down between their 3 different friend groups, family members, and matching their party numbers with their fiance’s side. If you can’t decide, there’s a few factors that you should consider before making someone part of your wedding party.
But before we get into it, there’s one point I want to emphasize before anything: you are under NO OBLIGATION to ask anyone to be in your wedding party. They need to not only be your favorite humans, but also will be empathetic, focus on your vision, and be there for you throughout this whole planning process.
Support
This is #1 in deciding who is going to be in your inner circle. Your best friend can be amazing, but if they’re going to cause you more stress than help then maybe being a part of the wedding party isn’t for them (same goes for your sibling). Choose your party based on friends and family who will truly be a support system for you because 90% of couples will tell you that wedding planning is STRESSFUL and they need all the assistance (emotional or otherwise) they can get
Length of relationship
Connection is not solely based on how long you’ve known someone, but for a lot of people it works out that way as their relationship with you is more developed. That being said you should NOT create your wedding party based on who you’ve known the longest, but it’s also probably not the best idea to ask your new friend of 3 months either. Don't always look at the people you may spend a lot of time based on proximity or convenience. The best wedding party members are those that stick with you through thick and thin despite regardless of where they might physically live
Traditions
If you’re a more traditional person, or want to incorporate traditions into your wedding, then take note of those first while you put your list of people together (especially if you’re having a multi cultural wedding). For example: Greek weddings usually don’t have a wedding party at all (look at that your list is done!), while Americans include their siblings as well as their fiance’s siblings on both sides
Head Count
This is a big one. The first thing you should be doing is going over numbers with your partner. If you’ve settled on an intimate guest list, then you don’t need a gigantic wedding party. Just go down to “bare bones” like siblings or your best friend, you don’t want half of your attendees standing up at the altar with you.
Pros of having a smaller wedding party (1-5 people):
Less people means less opinions
It’s cheaper. If money isn’t an issue, easier to customize or give nicer gifts/perks
Easier to coordinate
The cons:
You might not be able to include everyone you wanted
Not as many people to help with typical “wedding party duties” (bridal shower, bach party, etc)
Pros of a larger wedding party (6+ people):
More people to help and support you throughout the wedding process
If you want to do a look of non-matching outfits, more people is the way to accomplish that
Allows you to include all your loved ones
The cons:
More people means more opinions and that can get overwhelming
More people to coordinate and accommodate
More people to add to your guest list if each person has a significant other
More expensive
I also want to note a couple things:
Just because you’d like someone to be part of your wedding party, doesn’t mean they want to be in it. This can be for a variety of reasons: they can’t afford it, they have social anxiety, they don’t have the time, etc. Whatever the reason, don’t take it personally and respect their decision. The job can be a lot to handle and it’s not for everyone. That being said, it’s ok (i.e. encouraged) to make a mental backup list.
There are other ways to be included in the wedding without being part of the “wedding party”. Suggestions include wedding officiant, reader/speech giver, performer (if they’re a musician/singer/poet), an escort to you or someone else down the aisle, or legal witness. If you have a larger group of people in mind, simply ask them to come get ready with you!
If there’s one thing you take away from this whole post, it’s this: choose the people that will give you energy, not take it away. Because planning is stressful enough without involving outside parties. Plus, this is something that really only affects you and your partner and has nothing to do with the rest of the wedding. So remember, this your day, do what you think is best.
Samantha Shammas, Author and Owner of SamiaLynn
