You have successfully overcome your list of bridal salons, menu selections, and even flower choices. Now is the time to sit down and make the hardest list of all. The guest list. That looming list of all of your loved ones, and the people that your parents think are priorities. They might be the life of the party (or they might be the best gift givers), but you have to consider what your venue allows and what your budget can handle. 

After years of working with brides, one thing that I have noticed is the stress that revolves around narrowing down the guest list. One rule of thumb that I have come to appreciate is that if you wouldn’t want to spend time with and buy someone dinner on an average day, then don’t feel the need to on your wedding day. Besides that, we have compiled a breakdown of the best ways to tackle this no-so-glamorous part of wedding planning: 

1. Make your list with your significant other before handing over the pen to your parents 

The first draft of your guest list should strictly be written between you and your fiancé. You will have plenty of outside opinions on who should be included in your nuptials, but the base line should be the close friends and family that you couldn’t imagine getting married without. After that list is completed you will know how many seats you have left to hand over to your mom and mother-in-law to use as they please. This will guarantee that your requirements will be met, and let your family feel like they were part of the planning. 

2. A-list and B-list invitees 

There is one secret about your wedding that your guests never need to find out about. Your B-list. Most venues are just as focused on their minimums as they are their maximums. Your A-list will get their invites first and will be asked to RSVP in a timely manner, giving you an idea of how many extra seats you will have available for your B-list. Those invites will be sent before the A-list RSVP deadline expires just in case the two get mixed up, but still with enough time to get all of the answers back before your caterer needs the final head count. 

Make sure your B-list is organized in order of importance, so if 10 people on your A-list can’t make it, the first 10 on your B-list can be sent their invites. Also, keep families and friend groups on the same list so they can’t compare invite delivery times or RSVP by dates… You’ll thank me later for that note. 

3. Decide on children attendance 

This is your wedding, and only you can decide if you want children to be a part of your big day, or if you want this to be an adults-only event. Make this decision early on and then stick to it. Do you want your niece that's under one, but not children older than that? Make it clear from the beginning and allow no exceptions. Most parents will be more than happy for an adults night out, so don’t feel guilty about your decision either way. This will also help you narrow down the amount of seats needed and allows for more possible B-list attendees! 

4. Plus one distribution  

Times have changed and it is no longer required to give everyone you invite a plus one to your wedding. You do not need to feed your second cousin’s latest hookup dinner just because you offered them a date option. Being selective with the plus ones you hand out will allow you more flexibility in your guest list because you will know exactly how many seats you are filling. Don’t worry, there will be plenty of people there for anyone coming alone to mingle with. You never know if your wedding is the reason for the next wedding! You should know the people you are inviting well enough to know if they will need a plus one or not. 

There have been rules in the past about “no ring, no bring” but that doesn’t always apply anymore. Just like children, though, you have the option to make a date rule and stick to it! They don’t live together? You don’t like him? You haven’t even met her? All reasons to not give a plus one if you don’t want to! 

This is your wedding day. It is a day to be surrounded by everyone you and your fiancé know and love. Make sure every name on your guest brings you joy and fond memories. Also make sure that they leave the embarrassing stories of you from the past, in the past unless you are ready to get roasted on your wedding night during toasts. 

COVID note: We know that 2020 weddings have not been unraveling the way they were expected to, and we don’t know what weddings in the next year will look like, but we want you to be prepared whether your wedding is 10 people or 300 people!

Lauren Allen, Author

Lauren is a bridal consultant and self-published author, with a background in celebrity styling and bridal make up artistry. You can find her with an oat milk cappuccino in the morning, and a glass of Cabernet at night, her real passions. Get enough wine in her and she will tell you about her perfectly planned wedding. Just promise not to ask about the groom, that’s one detail she’s still working on. Lauren is based in NYC and her book “How to Be 23” can be found here