Weddings are (and should) be unique to the couple themselves. You choose your wedding party, who’s speaking or giving toasts at the ceremony or reception, the theme, etc. But in certain cases, to bring your vision to life, you have to involve the guests and give them direction. Do you want gifts? Is there a specific dress code? Are kids allowed? These are all things that need to be indicated in your invite suite, but can sometimes be awkward to write out. I’ve asked Kate Turner of Kate + Company (the QUEEN of luxury weddings) to help guide how to properly phrase certain requests in the most sophisticated way possible:

How to say "kid free wedding"

To communicate a "no kids" policy at your wedding, we recommend using your invitation envelopes to guide guests. You can use inner and outer envelopes, addressing the inner envelope to the family (Mr. and Mrs. John Smith) and the outer envelope with the couple's given names (Suan and John). By listing it this way, clearly without the kids names, it's a red flag that this is adults only! For your RSVP card, include a "number of guests attending" area. Most guests will understand and respect this rule. If needed, handle exceptions on a case-by-case basis. While you can include the phrase "Adults Only" on your reception card, we don't recommend it.

How to say "no gifts" or "money only"

It’s important to remember while giving a wedding gift is common practice, no one is actually required to buy you a wedding gift so indicating any registry details on a wedding invitation could be interpreted as rude and is a big etiquette no-no. We recommend allowing for word-of-mouth on your gift giving preferences. However, if you want to list something it's more appropriate to do so on your wedding website.  We recommend the verbiage, "Your presence at our wedding is a present enough! However, if you'd like to give well wishes with a gift, we'd appreciate you considering cash or gift cards to your favorite store. This will help us achieve our dream of turning our house into a home / taking a once in a lifetime vacation / etc. For your convenience, we've linked some of our registries below. Thank you! Sarah and Paul".

How to instruct color palette or specific themed dress code

We love being direct here so there's no confusion. Typically an attire preference is listed on the reception card. Typically you'd indicate "All Pink Attire Preferred" or "Black Tie". If you need to give more detail, we recommend moving this to an FAQ's section of your website! Two important things to remember here: (1) Black-Tie is only for events after 6pm and (2) part of being a gracious host is allowing your guests to be comfortable. Being too strict with a dress code may be a financial challenge for some of your guests causing them to forego attending your events. If that's okay with you - great! If not - make it easy on your guests! 

How to invite people for the reception only and not the ceremony

An invitation is technically two parts, the larger piece invites guests to witness your marriage at the ceremony. Then there is an insert that invites them to the reception. If you are inviting some guests to BOTH events and some guests to the reception only, you will first need a stationer that's good with variable data - that's key! Next, you'll need two variations of your main invitation. Variation One - follows standard protocol and invites guests to your ceremony, includes the date, time, location. Variation Two - the main insert will actually be an announcement and not include the time or location. Then these guests get the same reception insert. 

How to explain a "British style" wedding aka morning ceremony then evening reception

This is actually very common in our marketplace (midwest USA) because most Catholic weddings are similar - late morning or early afternoon ceremony followed by a gap and then evening reception. You'll simply use the main invitation to invite guests to the ceremony indicating the time, etc. Then a reception card indicating the details of the evening portion. If more explanation is needed, we'd suggest pushing this to your wedding website. 

Kate is a luxury wedding and event planner based in St. Louis, MO, although the company does execute events all over! As this boutique-style team specializes in the most luxurious of wedding experiences, they do only take on a limited number of events a year (aka your guest experience is guaranteed to be elite). Kate + Co has been featured in all the top industry publications, including Brides, Martha Stuart Weddings, and Vogue Weddings.

Kate prides herself with being surrounded by the best teams and has a true passion for creating gorgeous events that reflect the unique style of each couple. When she’s not commanding a room flip, you’ll find her playing tourist with her kids and husband.

Even if it’s just for gorgeous inspiration, be sure to follow Kate on Instagram @kateandcompany and check out her website at www.kateandcollc.com.

Samantha Shammas, Author and Owner of SamiaLynn